Distress and
Trouble in Marriage
Whereas I Corinthians 7:1-16 deals chiefly with
married persons, and verses 17-24 address the issue of calling, verses
25-40 treat mainly of single persons, especially virgins and whether
or not they should marry. The apostle does not answer with a sweeping
command: "All must marry" or "All must not marry."
He states, "Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of
the Lord" (25), for Christ did not specifically address this
in His public ministry. This does not mean that Paul had nothing to
say on this subject: "yet I give my judgment, as one that hath
obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful" (25). The apostle
advises that it is "good" for a virgin (or a single male)
not to marry (26; cf. 1, 8). Why? Because of the "present
distress" (26) and to avoid "trouble in the flesh"
(28), though it is not a sin for single persons or widows or widowers
to marry (28).
Do the "present distress" (26) and
"trouble in the flesh" (28) refer only to marital hardships
during intense persecution or to difficulties in marriage in this
fallen world in general? First, there is no evidence of fierce
persecution in Corinth at that time or shortly thereafter, unless it
is in these phrases themselves. Whereas other epistles (e.g., I
Thessalonians or I Peter) major on the church’s persecution, this is
not the case in I or II Corinthians. Indeed, unlike the apostle, the
Corinthians were having things easy (I Cor. 4:8-10)! Second, two other
difficulties in marriage—its transitoriness (7:29-31) and its cares
(32-35)—refer to the whole post-fall age, so why not the
"present distress" (26)? Moreover, "the time is
short" (29) and "the fashion of this world passeth
away" (31)—both referring to this whole age—serve as the
interpretive guide for the "trouble in the flesh" (28).
Similarly Romans 8:18 speaks of the "sufferings of this present
time." Thus many, including Calvin, Godet, Grosheide and
Engelsma, see these hardships in marriage (I Cor. 7:26, 28) as
referring to the whole period from the fall (Gen. 3:16) to Christ’s
second coming. This view, as we shall see, makes good sense of the
passage.
Distress and trouble "in the flesh"
(26) speaks of the hardships of married people, in both body and soul,
in connection with all the circumstances of life in this sinful world
(for there was no distress in marriage before the fall).
In marriage, two sinners are bonded together for
life under one roof. Consider a husband who does not love his wife,
but is tyrannical, bossy and grumpy. Think of a wife who refuses to
submit to her husband. Selfishness, quarrels, bitterness and
resentment rob the union of joy and fellowship.
The two of them may have entered marriage with
different backgrounds, interests and tastes (as well as both
possessing old natures). She likes to spend money, but he likes to
keep a close rein on it. He does not get on with his in-laws, and she
has problems with his family, and so on. What scope there is here for
distress and trouble in marriage!
Then there are children. There are the pains of
child birth (Gen. 3:16), the sleepless nights, and trips to the
hospital with sick children. Maybe one parent does almost all the
unpleasant things with the children, while the other only does the
"fun" things with them. Perhaps she wants to mollycoddle
them, but he thinks that they should not be wrapped in cotton wool. Or
he is authoritarian, while she is a "soft touch" and the
children begin to play on this. Different views on the children’s
education provide more room for grief and trouble. Then the couple
sinfully fail to communicate properly and never come to one mind
regarding the training and discipline of their children.
Hardships also come at the other end of marriage.
Perhaps your spouse becomes disabled and you must care for him or her,
or he or she takes Alzheimer’s and no longer even recognises you, or
you become a widow or a widower.
If persecution intensifies, the troubles of
marriage increase, with Christian husbands (like John Bunyan) in
prison concerned for their wives and children, or mothers fleeing with
their little ones (cf. Matt. 24:19-20).
Clearly those contemplating marriage ought to count
the cost. Are you ready for this? One’s eyes ought not be closed to
the truth stated in the Reformed marriage form that "married
persons are generally, by reason of sin, subject to many troubles and
afflictions." Paul knew of these hardships and could have written
more, merely stating, "but I spare you" (I Cor. 7:28). If a
child of God is not ready for marriage, he or she should consider
delaying it or continuing in a single life. But if you are prepared to
get married and live with your spouse by God’s grace, you must still
be forewarned of some of the difficulties. All this is designed to
inculcate sobriety in courtship and marriage. It is not all sugar and
sweetness or "unmixed honey," as Calvin puts it. We need a
healthy biblical realism.
This does not mean, though, that Christians have an
excuse for a bad marriage. The Bible teaches that there are and will
be troubles in marriage, to a greater or lesser degree, but this is
different from a troubled marriage. If there is a problem with your
relationship with your spouse, this is because of sin, either yours or
your spouse’s or (usually) both. We must accept responsibility
before God for this and repent. Your marriage must reflect the union
between Christ and His church, with the husband loving his wife as
Christ loved the church and the wife submitting to her husband in the
Lord (Eph. 5:22-33). Sin must be confessed and forsaken, especially
selfishness. Seek God’s mercy and forgiveness in the cross. Work at
your relationship and ask help of a faithful pastor. Also, younger
women should go to older women for counsel (cf. Titus 2:3-5).
All this should be of comfort to married persons.
Perhaps you entered marriage with rose-tinted glasses and suffered a
few jolts. The Bible speaks to your situation; God knows your lot in
life and will succour you. Also many, I trust, have found marriage
even better than they expected: godly companionship, sharing your life
with the person you love, the joys of parenthood, etc. By His Word and
Spirit, Christ even brings faithful couples closer to Him and to each
other through distress and trouble in marriage. Rev. Stewart
The Reward of Grace
And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is
with me, to give every man according as his work shall be (Rev.
22:12).
Question: "A person saved, say, only a year
ago can be far more advanced in the Christian life than someone saved
sixty years ago. Does heavenly reward depend on stage reached or
accumulated total service over many years?"
I have given to this article the title "The
Reward of Grace" because the question has to do with what
Reformed and Presbyterian theologians have consistently given to the
reward which believers receive for their works. It has been called the
reward of grace because, while, indeed, a believer is rewarded for his
works, this reward is of grace alone.
The situation described in the question—a man
converted for only a year being far more advanced in the Christian
life than one converted sixty years—is an exception rather than a
rule. It may be that there are people of that sort, but the usual way
in which God works His salvation in the hearts of His people is
through progress and growth in sanctification. However, whatever the
case may be, the answer to the question is not affected.
Let it be established that our good works are
indeed rewarded. Scripture teaches this in more than one place (e.g.,
Matt. 5:12; 6:4, 6, 18; 10:41; 16:27; Luke 6:23, 35; I Cor. 3:8; II
Cor. 5:10; Heb. 11:6). An incentive to do good works while we are here
on earth is the reward we shall receive when we are in glory.
It is also the teaching of God’s Word that the
reward will be in proportion to the works. This is clearly the meaning
of the Lord’s words in Revelation 22:12 that every man will be
rewarded "according as his work shall be." The Lord will
dispense the rewards in an altogether just way. (This implies as well
the punishment of the wicked in hell according to their works.) We may
deduce from this that there is no disappointment in heaven and that
each of us shall be satisfied with the reward we receive.
Further, the good works rewarded in heaven are not
necessarily the earth-shaking works which some perform. In his work of
reformation, Luther turned Europe upside down. That was indeed a great
work. But there are works pleasing to God that go unnoticed by man,
works of great value and worth. The broken heart of a penitent sinner
weeping in his inner sanctum is of more worth than many mighty deeds.
The faithful care of a godly mother for her family is of far greater
value than a powerful sermon by a minister enamoured with his own
abilities. God weighs works on different scales than the ones we use.
But what I have said up to now is not by any means
the whole story. I think the rest of the story can best be told by
quoting the Belgic Confession 24: "Therefore we do good works,
but not to merit by them (for what can we merit?), nay, we are
beholden to God for the good works we do, and not He to us, since it
is He that worketh in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
Let us therefore attend to what is written: When ye shall have done
all those things which are commanded you, say, we are unprofitable
servants; we have done that which was our duty to do. In the meantime
we do not deny that God rewards our good works, but it is through His
grace that He crowns His gifts." Through God’s grace, He crowns
His gifts! This is the reward of grace! Several ideas are taught here.
(1) The good works which we perform and which God
rewards are graciously given us as a gift. God works in us both to
will and to do of His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13). We owe God for our
good works, not He us.
(2) We can never under any circumstances earn
anything with God. Not even Adam, before he fell could earn anything
with God. The whole idea of human merit is contrary to the Scriptures.
(3) The reward which we receive is also given us of
grace. This is why it is called "the reward of grace." It
is, in the words of our confession, "through His grace that He
crowns His gifts."
(4) Each receives a reward entirely just, fitting
and appropriate for him or her.
To explain this further, the catechism teacher of
my youth said that God creates many glass tumblers of many different
sizes. They are His creation; the size is not arbitrarily determined.
In glory, He fills each glass tumbler to the very top. Each glass is
filled and can hold no more, but each is of a different size.
The metaphor is as follows. In His work of
salvation, God shapes and forms each of His people according to His
own purpose. He does this by the work of salvation, by which work each
performs good works, works which reveal the glory of God in salvation.
In heaven, each saint is rewarded for his works by God so that the
work begun in this life is completed in heaven, where the glory of God
shines through each saint to the praise of God’s name.
In God’s perfect plan, the work of salvation in
this life is perfectly performed to prepare each saint for his own
place in glory. Each stone—to use another metaphor—is shaped and
formed by God through all the experiences of life to fit perfectly in
the temple of God built in all its glory in heaven (Eph. 2:20-23).
Thus, each in his own place, according to the reward of grace, shows
forth in his own way and in connection with all the elect the glory of
the God who saves the whole church and builds His own temple. All is
always for God’s glory and the praise of His grace! Prof. Hanko
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